February 2012
4 posts
fuck you
I guess it’s just the way it is. Wasting so much time being unhappy about everything. Just part of life. Before we die. And then we won’t even be able to do that.
fuck god believe in yourself.
January 2012
13 posts
I think I might start writing again.
Real writing.
Putting myself down.
Ink and paper.
Or maybe just pressing some keys down until I’m dry.
Maybe that’s what went wrong.
I stopped writing.
I stopped letting things out. Until I convinced myself that I couldn’t.
That it was a bad idea. That it made things worse.
And today is a nice day. It put my bad mood away for a...
I feel hated. Constantly. Like I’m never living up to expectations. And I tell myself to not care. That it doesn’t matter. But it’s eating me alive. And I hate myself. I really fucking hate myself. And it’s so fucking pathetic that I rather be dead.
I’m crumbling down. I’m doing it to myself. I’m letting it all get to me. And it’s so god damn...
Everything feels so wrong and I feel so sick and I can’t digest anything and my nerves are killing me and this anxiety thing is getting really fucking old and really fucking aggravating. Who the hell thought I’d need this shit on top of it all. Fuck
Nothing like realizing how fucked everything turned out to be.
When are things going to finally go right? All I wanted was one fucking thing. But no, I am not allowed to be happy.
I’m just trying to figure out who I am. Fuck.
Practical and stupid. You make me sick. What are you trying to do to yourself? Where the fuck do you think it is that you’re going in life like this? Your thoughts are right but wrong. They make you into this. So how do you go in between? How do you bring back what you’ve lost. What you were is not something you want to be again. So don’t go back. It’s self-destructive. Why...
December 2011
32 posts
God I fucking hate you
You're just as bad as me.
I am better than you.
My dream
to live somewhere nice and with someone nice with enough to get me by close to my brother close to an ocean with a beautiful view and to make art and take pictures of beautiful things, so I can keep them forever and travel and be happy and live a content life, with exciting adventures once in a while and stimulating conversations constantly learning new things, good things. That interest me Is...
I can picture myself alone for the rest of my life.
I feel like when I’m 40, I’m going to look back and wonder where the fuck all the time went.
It’s just going to fly by so fast. It’s already all going so fast. And then I’m going to end up disappointed. Because I refused to open up to anyone. I just refuse to let anyone in. All they do is trash me inside and out...
So many mixed emotions.
I think I’m just expecting it to be bad.
Since all of the other times it has happened, well they haven’t been the best experiences. Seriously, how many times does this have to be done to me until I learn to just not date? Or maybe I just shouldn’t introduce my boyfriends, when I have them, to any of my “friends.”
I really don’t care,...
Anonymous asked: I think telling you would defeat the purpose. But I wish you weren't miserable. Just saying that won't change much though. So I will try to make you happy. And I won't be like the rest.
Anonymous asked: It's not password protected.
Anonymous asked: I wish you weren't miserable
This is no way to live.
I find it so amusing how everyday it’s proven to me a little more how shitty, unreliable, organic pieces of waste humans really are. And how you should never let one, or any, define your happiness to the least bit. Because they will fail you. Never give anyone expectations.
I find it a little disturbing that after only 16 years I can’t rely on or trust a single human being. I mean,...
Anonymous asked: Favorite person?
emptypocketsfullhearts:
I’ve learned to not place anyone in that category.
when there’s nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire
I just need to break something and I’ll be fine.
I just need to swallow that and I’ll be fine.
I just need to smoke that and I’ll be fine.
I just need to alter this piece of shit reality and I’ll be fine.
I wrote my suicide note.
I’ll just let it sit there until my dad finds it and puts me in therapy and then I can drown in anti depressants for the rest of my life. if there is a ‘rest of my life’
Hahahahahahah expecations? what? No.
fuck you all
when are you going to stop doing this shit? why is it always to me? why does this keep fucking happening to me? why am I always the one getting their feelings hurt? why can’t I put myself above this? Why do people keep hurting me? Why am I letting people hurt me? Why does this seem to be all my fault?
wow this is stupid
and I don’t...
Anything beats the numbness that is consuming me.
Don’t you understand? We’re letting it eat us alive. We’re letting it define us; who we are and how people look at us. It’s disgusting and it’s never going to change.
One thing you have to realize about the world is, the people aren’t getting any better. The situation going on around you isn’t getting any better. In fact it’s going to get worse as time goes. Ignorance is going to take over. It has taken over. The only way to survive it, is to find someone that gives you enough reason to not want to kill yourself I guess. To be in a place where...
I thought I wanted to see you but now I’ve changed my mind.
I can’t stand who you are.
I can’t stand what you’ve worsened into.
Why does this keep happening.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m tired of trying to write things down and deleting them afterwards. I just can’t put my mind into words. But I need to. It’s driving me crazy, like it’s taking me over and I can’t get it out.
FUCK I can’t stand any of them. Seriously how the fuck did I deal with them for this long? I’m second guessing my sense of judgement. You’re all pieces of shit and aren’t worth my time. Go fuck yourselves. I want nothing to do with any of you.
“When you decide to die, little things begin to happen. You stop looking both...”
– Unknown
Just distract me. Just for a little while.
Just let me feel somethings different.
Anything.
I’m so desperate to get out.
I just need someone to fucking sit half naked with and cuddle playing video games for a couple of hours and then maybe have a conversations about how someday I’ll maybe be able to find the right fucking words to explain the things that are constantly eating at me inside.
emptypocketsfullhearts:
Because in the end
You realize how numb you have become
How much the world you so desperately tried to change
Ended up changing you
For worse.
November 2011
3 posts
I don’t want to be near any of you. I don’t want to know anything about you. You have become irrelevant. I don’t care for you, I don’t care about you. You have no role in my life anymore. I want nothing to do with any of you. I can’t stand what you have to say. I can’t stand the things you do. Just fuck off and stay out of my life. I’m tired of always...